2015

Wow.

Just quite surprised that it has been two to three years since I left this blog.


Now it is the year 2015, which is reaching its end.

September 2015.

So far, my life has gone through a lot of changes. Busy with work and responsibilities plus the mobile phone which makes me go online through laptop less. Theheee sorry for that.


This is the latest update of my life.

Now,

I am


Married

and

Pregnant.

7 months pregnant to be exact.


Latest news is that I finally get the posting. I am now

an official teacher, at a school in Temerloh, Pahang.


So many things happened and so many things have changed.


What's important is;

I CANNOT WAIT FOR MY BABY TO SEE THIS WORLD

Alhamdulillah. My life is so full of blessings and I won't let this happiness go away so I'm taking this opportunity to thank God for everything that I have now. A good husband, a married life, a job, and the most exciting one, a babyyyyyyy.

Till next post, I promise to share more of my stories in the future. Even if not in details, but at least a bit just to cheer up this gloomy blog which is created 5 years ago (it is already five years and I just realised it now?)

Okay bye!


p/s: Feeling awkward writing this entry since I left this blog for quite a long time but I promise to reduce the awkwardness later. Theheeee

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English

I express my self better in English. This is because, it is more straightforward. In Malay, I have to use more 'safe' words - 'Cakap Berlapik'.

 The problem here is, how to express your feelings to someone who doesn't have to language ability?  

The thing is, when you 'Cakap berlapik', the person usually gets the wrong message and makes his/her own assumptions. Plus, when you use English, people tend to misunderstand you for showing off your ability.

At the end of the day, a small matter becomes the 'First World Problem'.

Arghhhhhh

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Wordpress

I've been working on a new trial version of blog account: Wordpress. Have some things that need to be observed as I have not much experience using Wordpress. So, for now I'm still not publishing any articles or stories to be shared; it's just a plain site with lots of testing comments and posts.

Need to get used to that medium of sharing items so that some serious shit can be done.

XOXO

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The Best Dream: Billie Joe Armstrong

You know what's the best thing about dream? Yeah I mean dreaming when you're sleeping. It makes all your dream (goal) come true!

I had once. It was on April 27 morning. I had a fuckingly amazing dream about me, and Billie Joe Armstrong the voice of Green Day. How could I possibly dream of him? I still don't know. I think it was in my unconscious mind though, since I was a big fan of Billie Joe Armstrong and Green Day when I was 15, 2006.

Billie Joe Armstrong

Performing

Now? I still love Green Day for they have their unique style and songs, and Green Day is respected much from all celebrities. Well who doesn't? They started their career young, and keep carrying it on until now. It is fucking amazing.

How old were they do you think?

To Billie: Why are you so hot? And why are you already married?

*fainted*

Well, in that dream, Billie and I were walking in someplace which I don't know and he gave me a taste of his marijuana. Yeah I think I still remember the taste of it, I felt high and in cloud nine. Then, Billie took me to a place where he cut off a person's head, and we were like a living dead wandering around that weird place. On top of all, I enjoyed accompanying him and watching him walking in front of me. (It was Billie Joe Armstrong!!)

After that, Billie sang to me all of my favourite songs of Green Day, it was a dream come true I tell ya even though it's not real. He also brought his family to meet me; his wife Adrienne and his two sons, Joseph and Jakob. I was like a special guest to Billie since he wanted me to accompany him to wherever he goes. He showed me how he plays guitar, took me around that place, and made me meet his family. It was so sweet of him and I felt really excited and euphoric.

His family. You really made cute sons Billie!

Finally, my dream ended after I took some pictures with him, I even hugged him! Twas a really good dream I suppose.

I woke up smiling thinking that I got a chance to meet him in my dream for I know that it is quite impossible to meet Billie Joe Armstrong in person. This is a non-ordinary person but a famous and respected musician. As far as I know, he is one of the most talented person in songwriting. All of his songs are totally great, fascinating, and meaningful I tell you.

Oh Billie, if only I met you in real life even for just an hour, or a minute, I would be glad enough to live. (Sounds so like a fangirl) Its's true. I don't have many favourite singers but you are the first in my top list. If Green Day is coming to Malaysia to do live performances in the future, I might as well collect some money to  attend and watch them. This is some serious shit man.

That style.

You rock!

A songwriter who writes songs about peace.

Oh and I still love you Billie even you're getting older and older. Age doesn't matter, it only means that you're a grown up. Looks more matured and more like a loving dad.

He's 39 this year.

Handsome daddy rocks! 

I am glad that he has a twitter account. Theehe. I stole some of his twitpics because it was real and originally sent from him to his fans.

Look at that hand, he said that he loves this book; a gift from his fan.

His newly bought guitar.

Recently, checking his latest tweets, I found that Billie asked everyone to boycott Donald Trump as this man is a racist pig. Well, if Billie said so, I'll boycott! *This is a really mad fan.

I still remember that one time dream now, and I really hope that he will come and perform here in Malaysia... 

Sing one more time for me.

Fuck racism, I love you Billie Joe Armstrong!

Footnote: I'm really ridiculous. It was just a dream... but still, it was Billie Joe Armstrong that I dreamt of! How could I not be bragging crazily about this?

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Be Grateful

I always think I'm a nobody.

I always think I'm nobody to everyone's life.

I always think nobody cares about me.

I always think nobody ever think about me.


Yeah that thinking is so ungrateful. So negative.


I should thank Allah for He cares about creating me, and listening to me whenever I have problems.

I should thank Allah for He cares about me, that's why He gives me a great love.

I should thank Allah for He cares about me, that's why He gives me iman and faith towards Him.

I should thank Allah for He's the only One I should kneel down before.

My prostration upon You.




Footnote: Now I have more improved self-esteem within me. Thank you Allah.

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Fuel Your Day with Smiles and Laughters

These are my friends. They are crazy enough to make me happy everyday.

One of our earliest event, MSK at UPSI

Our first day of class in 2011

Tesl Nite

Night of Memories

Teluk Batik: The Perfect Getaway

Banana Boat; I was on fever that day. 

My favourite pic.

Thaipusam Day Off 

Playground at 12.30 a.m

Fun and Tiring at the same time

Papa Kamil's Birthday

Eating Nasi Kak Wok at 'sungai belakang maktab'.

Our latest group photo : My Crazy Bitches!

They make my days totally alive!

Love <3

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Coping with My Busy Life

ASSIGNMENTS AND TASKS

Recently, I had tons of work and assignments to finish in only a week. My classmates and I burnt our midnight oil for every single night of the past week (last week of March). Still, we had to get up as early as we can for our 8 in the morning classes. -_-

This nocturnal activity made us become immune with tiredness and backpain. In class, we still had to do presentations, grouping tasks, oral test, and also listening test. Imagine how did we go through all this hell period? Fuuuuuuuuuuu. It was like, wow. I didn't even notice that it was already weekend. All this things happened because of the late assignments given by our lecturers, and we had to pass up all our works at the same date. Each day, we had to do at least two assignments and the next day, we got another tiresome work to do. We still have two more assignments to finish.

So.... All of us had our sleepless nights for almost two weeks in a row. 

DRIVING CLASS

Also, I just came back from my driving school *oh yeah; Pusat Latihan Memandu Sektow.* ;D 

Starting from last March 26 and 27, Intan, Faezah@AG, and I, had our driving lessons from 8 in the morning until 2 pm. Yeah, we managed to pass the computer test and our practical successfully. Today, we finished our 6th hour of driving lesson. Fuhh, it was so tiring and awesome too at the same time, thinking that I can drive my late abah's car in the future.

All I know now is I have gained much more confidence in driving, compared to last week. I failed in parking the car and right after my session was finished, I cried. It was so depressing that I got scolded non-stop by Cikgu Ani. Fuuuuuuu, but it all changed today and I improved a lot. I think that's because of the blessings from God. 

MUET EXAM

You see, as a TESL student, I feel so embarrassed and pathetic for not getting Band 4 and above in my last year's MUET. It was only 7 marks to get Band 4. I really regret my clumsiness and for this upcoming MUET which is next week, I hope I will get the best marks and who knows I might get Band 5, like Theeb?

Speaking Test - April 6 *this is the date which my abah passed away, :'(

Reading, Writing, and Listening Test - April 16

It seems like I need to prove to my abah that I actually can make it.

FINAL EXAM

Not to forget that our Final Exam is only two weeks from now. It's going to start at April 18, and we only have two weeks to prepare for that. I am really really really not ready for the final!

------------

With all these works and things to do, I feel really exhausted and I can't even breathe properly. Getting through this hectic life makes me think that whatever it is, I am now experiencing Uni student's life, so I need to cope and adapt with this life.

Please April end fast, and please May come faster, then my four months semester holiday will come!

Footnote: Luckily I still manage to text and call him for a while every day. :)

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Old Friends

I have some not-so-close friends from high school and I feel knowing them is one of the best thing I've done for what they've taught me. ;)

Some little sweet memories when I was young, have been created altogether with these friends. I don't know if they still remember that.

As long as I remember the memories, it's okay if they don't. People have too much of everything to think of y'all. When I think of some little memories with each of these friends, I smile because we were so naive and young back then.

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Child Development VS Parenting Skills

I see parents are not the same. There are mothers and fathers who use the hard way in dealing with their children. Loud voices, scoldings, screamings, and everything that's hard for children to accept and makes them cry. I cannot do anything for that child, except for praying in my heart. I know that I'm not a parent yet, and I don't know how does it feel to have a child on my own. Delivering babies, changing diapers, waking up late at night for the babies, but at least I know how to make the milk for babies.

I can't stand people who scold and scream loudly right in front of their child's face until the child cry. As if these people have no heart and feelings at all. Do they ever think that when they were babies, their parents used to take a really good care and love them so much? I mean, yes the scolding part was surely there. But, scolding their own children and threatening to beat the guiltless ones, is not a good parenting skill.

Still, for me to stop the people who did that to their child, is hopeless. Who knows I might get beaten or punched straight on my face for my crime-less deeds. Even though I don't learn the subject Child Development this semester, but at least, I know how to treat babies and children right. Yes, make them be discipline. Be strict with them. Let them be independent.

But,

Don't go hard on them or beat them vigorously as what you like because they will do the same to you when they are grown ups and at that time, you will realize you are too old to fight them back.

That's why I jump into this conclusion,
A Good Child Development needs Good Parenting Skills.

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Deep Sadness

I learnt that everyone in this world has faced deep sadness and sorrow once or twice, and even if they don't yet, they will face it sooner or later. ;(

As for me, I experienced the deepest sadness twice. 

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TESL NIGHT

Yesterday was totally great! My classmates and I really enjoyed our TESL Night to the fullest! I was the 'music engineer' for our sketch performance. Our sketch title was "Oh, my prince!" and it was really a good story created by Faezah @ AG, our director and scriptwriter. 

For the full details, I wrote it in my other blog yesterday, in this entry, right after I went back from the event. I also uploaded some pictures of us. It was very unforgettable and this TESL Night will be our sweetest memory of all.

I learnt that we are now a family and we work together to make things easier and achieve our goals.


And all I wanted to say is this;


We cry together like a weak petite child, we laugh together like the evil wicked witch, we grow together as handsome brothers and beautiful sisters... and we make a really great family. ;))

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BITTEREST BIT

Someday,

Someway,

Somehow,

Beloved persons always leave without us expecting it.

I realize that I am living in the reality of world. It gave me a really great impact on how I see my life and my future afterwards. It taught me how to be stronger and to keep myself holding on.

Life is never fair when you think it is.

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I hate people with typical thinking

sometimes,
somehow,
I wish I was the best student in my high school
I wish I was the top scorer in my high school
I wish I was the most brilliant girl in my high school
it's not that I don't like being me
it's just that I want to know how do they feel; how do the great students with high marks feel about their life
do they feel they are perfect?
do they feel they are genius?

because,
typically Malaysian parents and Malaysian society see this kind of students as good.
good means you must succeed in academic field,
good means you must get straight A's in your exam,
good means you must be a doctor, an engineer, a lawyer,

then what about students who get one less A?
what about students who get second place in class as exam result?
what about students who don't do medic, engineering, and law?
are they bad students?
are they stupid?
are they useless?

frankly speaking, I hate the typical thinking styles of Malaysian people,
yeah. why? because,
being excellent in studies do not create you a mankind,
being genius do not make you a kind-hearted person,
being briliant do not create you a down-to-earth person.

that's why,
sometimes I'm curious how do this type of students feel.
the genius, the best, the most brilliant ones.
how do they feel?

as for me,
I'm just a very normal person,
an average student,
and I don't do professional jobs,
I take TESL course,
and I am happy with it.

because I know ten years or twenty years later,
I'm not gonna be busy with bodies to operate,
I'm not gonna be busy with buildings to build,
I'm not gonna be busy with cases to win,
and I'm not gonna be busy until I don't have time for my family

yes, I love doing this. I love being a teacher trainee.
I don't need to care about people with typical thinking.
I don't bother you.

the most important thing that people with such mentalities should know is;
doctors, engineers, and lawyers, are once students at schools.
and school is where teachers do their duties.


footnote: FYI, TESL course only has 4 subjects! :p

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EVERY LIFE HAS ITS END

every life has its end.

this life, you love
this life, you hate
this life, you lie
this life, you like
this life, you learn
this life, you teach
this life, you regret
this life, you thank
this life, you eat
this life, you sleep
this life, you ignore
this life, you keep memories
this life, you were born
this life, you will die
this life, has started

this life, will meet the end


life is only once. live it to the fullest.

afterlife is another story.


footnote: I love my friends, my family, and my other half <3

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myself

I just want me to be more confident.

I know it's really difficult.

I'm trying so hard in front of other people.

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I want to go overseas.

feeling really pity for myself.

I want to go overseas and see other countries.
how are the people.
how are the culture.
how are the food.

looks like I don't have the fortune.

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being ungrateful

we cannot expect to have every single thing we want in this life.
seriously, I always feel aggrieved.

and I'm sure that I was ungrateful for many times
which was the worst thing
that it made me some kinds of idiot
that it made me feels like I should not live in this world
that it hurts so much

I had once thought to jump out of car while my father's driving
but it took me more than 15 minutes to recover all the insane cells in my brain
I cried, I cried a lot
I didn't give my best to my father
and I was aggrieved with what I'd done

that I was being ungrateful to my father's deed
and it was painful

yeah I know that being ungrateful is suck
the problem is deep inside my soul

love is not the only thing that becomes major heartache
but there are other things that I can't describe
inner conflicts, intrapersonal conflicts
that's what I've learnt from my situation
people see me laughing,
people see me talking endlessly
but obviously it's what people view on my face

I'm still hoping that I will surpass this test
a test from Allah
I don't know what it is for
but I think that Allah wants me to learn something
I should know who I am for real
what are the reasons for me being born
who I will be
how I will live my live
what should be done, and what shouldn't
to be, or not to be
and to make choices, to make decisions
those things can only be learnt by ourselves

this thought makes me think of my past lives
I was really idiot
I did not do anything wrong
but I wronged myself
I was very pessimistic

now that I'm already a grown up
I should cut this shits out
stop being ridiculous
stop being ungrateful
Allah knows what's best for me


footnote: I don't want to be an emoshit, yet I did!

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I hate it!

I hate it when I see beautiful people,
and I feel like really ugly.

I hate it when I see people with nice clothes,
and I feel like I always wear the same old clothes.

I hate it when I see people with nice figure,
and I feel like my body is only full of fats and all unnecessary things are attached to my body.

I hate it.

I hate it.


footnote: I wish I am one of those beautiful people.

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heart

one who knows you the best is someone who knows what your heart says

I may not be matured enough to talk something like love, but love is actually subjective

and subjective is about your personal opinion

for me, love is good. love is nothing but happiness and smiles.

but it destructs.

yes, love destructs you.


p/s: I love him, but I don't know if he's the one for me.

♥ THIS?

it's been so long

since I drew a sketch, not really a sketch actually
but a drawing, my drawing.

there was one time when I was really obsessed with this hobby
I drew at any time, and at any thing.
I always had this mechanical pencil of mine, and some blank papers.
all my notebooks, my textbooks (whoops!), were full of my drawings.
and I even bought some drawing blocks to satisfy my needs.
at that time, it was like, I fuckingly need to draw something.

but somehow I could feel that drawing was not my passion.
I don't know, maybe because I was too busy with other things,
after finishing schools, I didn't even have time for myself.
and it has been so long,
since I really drew a character on my drawing paper.
yeaahh, two years.
I didn't draw very well for two years,
and my drawing skills has descended,
collapsed from a high hill.

now, I want to sharpen my skills back,
and I want to draw more,
to be myself again.
because drawing once made me feel alive.
and I really like the satisfaction of drawing.
I love drawing.
and I don't think I want to let my talent go for a waste again.
I don't want my talent to be such a waste anymore.

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