I find it's very hard to forget the gloomiest day of my life. it's my father's funeral. on that day, I felt like the world is going to end. yeaah. my world. I never thought that he would leave me so soon. I never thought that he would leave me when I am still not married, and fully-depending on him. my father was the best person I've ever known. he was my life. he never stopped supporting me in whatever I was doing. he never disappoint me. he was my strength. he was my light. he was my everything. I don't think there is anybody can replace him. he was the coolest guy I've ever known in this world.
my father was a very realistic man. he taught me to understand the real meaning of life. one day I had uttered such a stupid question to him, "why adults still owe money if they already know that they're not gonna afford to pay it?". my father replied, "that's because of family. how can you support your family, and buy rice to your children if you don't do debts? everything needs money and human desire is unlimited. it's the reality and it's hurtful."
that was how I understand the reality of life.
before this, my father was the one who always be by my side. his love is unconditional. his nature is loving his children. he never stopped giving us true and sincere love even if we were such an average family with no such expensive things in our house. but we were happy back then. when I was still a child, I always had this thought in my mind, my family was the happiest family in this world. they are my backbone and my strength.
now that my father is already gone for almost 9 months, I still cannot forget the gloomiest day of my life. I don't think I can forget it all my life. I feel happy when I see my friends talking to their parents on the phone. and I'm very happy when I accompany my friends to see their parents. it feels like my father and my mother is here with me.
for God's sake I hate this life. I cannot accept why does this thing happen to me. I cannot face this obstacle.
but my brother always says that God knows what's best for us. He doesn't give such pain to those who cannot bare it.
sometimes these words didn't work on me.
because I have nothing in this world, I give up.
I can't endure this pain anymore. my heart explodes and I burst into tears.
somehow, I have always been dreaming of following my father to wherever he goes. even if he leaves this world forever, I had once thought to follow him too.
Wan Ismail bin Wan Yusoff - he is my life, forever and after.
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